Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Hippo gnu deer
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
