this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
