goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
