he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
