WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
