She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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