I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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