Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize