Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
