a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
