so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
