He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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