I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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