Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
