I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
