I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
