We got so high we made milksteak
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
