I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
two words...techno handjob
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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