You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
