If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
