I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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