My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
