I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
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