So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
