it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
