I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
