dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
