I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
