You smell like a Billy Joel song
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize