i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
