Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
