non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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