He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
