He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
