Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
