I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just blew my weed a kiss
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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