My sheets look like a crime scene.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
