Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Why is your signature on my underwear?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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