There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize