Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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