Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
