i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
