Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
