at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
