I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
