And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
