do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
