I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
