i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
