We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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