Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
