I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
