we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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