I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
