No awkward lesbian experiences without me
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
