Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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