I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
