I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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