I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
