please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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