vagina is talking i cant
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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