i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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