I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize