Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
