I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
