Quick, to the slutcave!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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